Saturday, 25 April 2015

Is the world ready for a deadly Pirate-Ninja Alliance?

A PIRATE-NINJA ALLIANCE?

 Is the world ready for a Deadly Pirate-Ninja Alliance? 

Is Kindle Ninja having a case of Pirate-envy?

Did they really get along?


 Read on...
 
EXT. PORT ROYAL. DAY.

The skeletal remains of two pirates clad in their filthy buccaneer garb still hang from the gallows. There’s room for two more.



Down below:

A snarling brute puts KINDLE NINJA on chokehold.

A GUNSHOT.

The brute hits the ground.

KINDLE NINJA turns around and sees IVORY SHEPARD.

IVORY
We should stop meeting like this, black-clad warrior.

KINDLE NINJA
It’s Kindle Ninja, but Kindle won’t be invented until 2007…  BEHIND YOU!!!
IVORY ducks.
A shuriken hits the would-be assailant right between the eyes.

KINDLE NINJA (CONT.)
  You're welcome!   

IVORY
Let’s cut to the chase. Why are you following me?

[Continues to fight with a bunch of enemies while having this dialogue]

KINDLE NINJA
Word is you have what belongs to me.              
               
IVORY
Whatever it is, I don’t have it.

KINDLE NINJA
Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t suit you.                 

[Fighting stops. Dead bodies everywhere.]
  


             IVORY faces KINDLE NINJA.



IVORY

Search me then.


KINDLE NINJA
This is a bluff, yeah?

IVORY
Only one way to find out.

KINDLE NINJA
You don’t look like you’re hiding a book under that bodice.

IVORY
Ah, the Royal Itinerary.

KINDLE NINJA
Hand it over.
IVORY
I don’t have it.

KINDLE NINJA
But you know where it is.

IVORY
Maybe.

KINDLE NINJA
That’s a yes.

IVORY
It’s a maybe.

KINDLE NINJA
All right. How much for the information?


IVORY
I don’t want your money. Can ninjas take orders?


KINDLE NINJA
Well, I worked at McCrook’s Tavern one summer...

IVORY
I need a mate...

KINDLE NINJA
You’re too young for me.

IVORY
To commandeer a ship, you perv.

KINDLE NINJA
Oh...we kinda need a ship to do that.

IVORY
We’ll steal one.

KINDLE NINJA
Ha ha ha! That’s a nervous laughter, by the way.

IVORY
A small sloop. I think just us two can handle a 30 footer.

KINDLE NINJA
Easy freakin’ peasy.

IVORY
If we make it to open water without getting shot or blown to bits, we'll head for a small uncharted island where I’ve stashed my loot.
Unfortunately, the natives there aren't very friendly, and we might end up caught in the middle of a fight between them and a rival crew, whose ship might be anchored just off the northeast corner of the island.
We might have to swim for it.
Can you swim?

KINDLE NINJA
Why should I trust you ...you might sell me to the natives for 30 pieces of silver...(ok wrong story).
Ninjas can do anything.

EXT. ISLAND. DAY.

[They miraculously reach the waters off the east coast of the island…Ivory has a plan]
IVORY
We'll need to swim to the beach and make our way through some pretty thick and slimy marsh to get to the hill. I hate climbing...it's just a thing...but anyway, this hill is at a 30 degree angle so it's not so bad. The trouble is it's 200 feet high.

KINDLE NINJA
Easy peasy. Don’t make me say that again.

IVORY
So, the problem with the hill is that it's full of snakes...poisonous ones, so watch yourself oh easy peasy one.
The natives are terrified of them so if we come across any, we'll toss them in a sack and save them for later.
150 feet up is a cave…can you see it?

KINDLE NINJA
Uh, ninjas have the vision of an eagle.

IVORY
[Rolls eyes]
Anyway, inside that cave is where we'll find what we're looking for.

KINDLE NINJA
Which is?
IVORY
Really? I guess you’ll just have to trust me.

KINDLE NINJA
Do I look like I was invented yesterday? Don’t answer that.

IVORY
We have to retrieve this…uh…thing or my entire mission is sunk...sorry for the pun
Ooo a snake! Grab it quick!

KINDLE NINJA
Wait, what?

IVORY
I thought you ninjas were fast and fearless?

KINDLE NINJA
You watch too many movies.

IVORY
Get that snake, now. If we don't use it to frighten the natives, we may have to eat it later

KINDLE NINJA
[Snatches snake and tosses it in a sack]
I'm not sure I'd like to eat snake.

IVORY
Well, it's either that or we go hungry and well, there’s always the rum.

[Lots of grunting and groaning as they climb the hill. They finally reach the cave.]
Wait here while I retrieve my loot.

KINDLE NINJA
[Whistling]

IVORY
Got it! Let’s go!

[More grunting and groaning as they make their way back down the hill, where near the bottom, they face an unwelcome greeting from the pointed end of the rival crew]

KINDLE NINJA
Now what? Are they afraid of snakes too because I swear, I’m not going to eat this thing?

IVORY
Dump the snake and grab a vine Kindle. We’re out of here! I’ll be damned if I’ve worked this hard to just hand my loot over to these pirates!

KINDLE NINJA
But…aren’t YOU a pirate too?

IVORY
NOW you want to play the label game? Grab a vine and follow my lead.

[Ivory secures her loot in her waterproof goat skin satchel, as they each grab a vine and swing out over the side of a cliff and land back in the sea, where they swim for it yet again back to that sloop but Ivory was injured in the jump and needs help]

Ninja, take my hand and help me aboard!

KINDLE NINJA
Not so fast you feisty wench…sorry, I’ve just always wanted to say that and well, I don’t know if I’ll ever have the chance again so…
Hand me the satchel and I’ll help you aboard.

IVORY
Seriously? I’ll tie you to the main mast when I get my hands on you.

KINDLE NINJA
Yes, seriously. It will be a lot easier to help you without that thing dragging you down.

[Ivory tosses the satchel up to Kindle Ninja and finally he pulls her aboard]

IVORY
Now, give me back my satchel.

KINDLE NINJA
Slow down there now, not so fast. I just have to have a peek.

[Kindle Ninja opens the satchel as Ivory sits on the deck, cradling her sprained arm]
Hold up a second, THIS is your treasure? Your loot? Really? Are you kidding me?

IVORY
Don’t act like you didn’t know. Why else would you bother saving my life or tracking me down in the first place? To hell with it, just take it.

KINDLE NINJA
You really mean it? You’re serious? I…can…have it?

IVORY
Yes on one condition.

KINDLE NINJA
Name it blondie.

IVORY
At least three hundred in-depth words posted on at least three sites, including those bilge sucking dogs over at AMAZON.
Got it?

KINDLE NINJA
This better be good or you can forget ever having cookies and milk with me ever again.

[Kindle Ninja lifts the book from the satchel and opens it to the first page]
Hey, can you sail this thing by yourself with that bad arm? I’m going to be a little busy for a while.

THE END


**This post is part of the Demons & Pearls blog tour. There's really no Ninja in the story. Or is there? Get your copy and find out!
 






Follow her on Twitter:@PSBartlett
Had I known the repercussions of murdering the captain of a pirate ship, I may have taken the time necessary to rethink the act. As if I’ve ever had a choice that didn’t involve a fight or at the very least, defending myself against some man, hell bent on destroying me or my kin.
All we wanted was our freedom. All we found were demons disguised as men. 

A woman pirate needs friends, big strong male friends, to survive in this unforgiving land of thieves and murderers—at least until she gets on her feet. Of course, trying to find one person you can trust is like finding an oyster with a perfect pearl in it—you have to break a few shells and get your hands dirty. We were lucky. I found the biggest, baddest and most honorable man in the Caribbean and he just happened to be in the pearl business.

2 comments:

  1. :D That was a fun read. Great opening scene! Oh, and Ninj, snake tastes like chicken. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Dale! It tastes like chicken because they eat live chicken lol

    ReplyDelete